What do you do with your pig when he loses his tail?  
Take him to any 're-tail' store.

What do pigs get when they're ill?
Oinkment.

What do you call a pig that does karate?
Porkchop

What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?  
Jurassic Pork

What happened to the pig who lost its voice?  
It became disgruntled.

Why should you never tell a pig a secret?  
Because they love to squeal.

Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!  

Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it "Ham Hocks".  

Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November?
She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.

How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He built hotels on Pork Place.  

How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep?
She reads them pig tales.

How does a pig write home?
With a pig pen.

Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play.
Hamlet

Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly?
They squealed on each other

What do little piglets do on a Saturday night?
Have a pigjama party!

What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog!

What position does the pig play in football?
Loinback.

What would a pig name a chain of food stores?
"Stop 'n Slop"

What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon would go up!

Where do pigs like to go on a picnic in  New York City?
Central Pork

What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?
A very large animal that knows too many jokes.